Sabotage by coffee???

[Zork]

This is too weird. I bought a Black and Decker coffee maker at BJs, model CM1231S. It has a clock and a timer. I like to set it at night and wake up to fresh coffee. When it comes to riding, to me strong coffee is as important as high octane fuel. Except I would wake up and the clock was off by hours sometimes. I thought it was my wife putting fingers where they don't belong, but I finally googled the model and it turns out there are a bunch of complaints that the clock runs fast. I am sooo tempted to tear it apart and find out where they screwed up, but I need coffee to function so I will return it. This has never happened to me before. Sabotage by coffee? The birth of YACT (Yet Another Conspiracy Theory)?? 

And where's the coffee emoji???

[rbm]

Best to return and buy another brand.  Never come between a man and his coffee!!!

[Laitch]

And where's the coffee emoji???

☕️

[Zork]

No, no, that's American Tea. I mean coffee of the wake-up-the-dead type, never to be spilled near a grave lest you bring back your mother in law. It's either Cuban or Puerto Rican.

[Laitch]

No, no, that's American Tea.

There is no American tea unless it's Salada, iced, and even then a body needs to be below the Mason-Dixon Line. Obviously that icon isn't iced, unless it's dry-iced somehow. That's your Coffea arabica columbiano, for certain. You can't make Cuban or Puerto Rican coffee in an upscale, timed machine. You've got to get right down and beat that sugar into crema, or you're just kidding yourself. 

[Zork]

I don't always have time to make proper Cuban or Puerto Rican coffee, but when I do, I am able to speak in tongues. Ρσ. So there.

[Chaos]

These are strange times.  My kitchen analog clock that ran fast for decades started keeping perfect time.  My digital alarm clock that's run perfect since Jimmy Carter ruled started gaining 3 hours a day. I keep it just to annoy the wife and remind me how irrelevant the universe is.  The beemer's clock is reading Chinese.  My Apple watch keeps telling me to breath.

[Zork]

These are strange times.  My kitchen analog clock that ran fast for decades started keeping perfect time.  My digital alarm clock that's run perfect since Jimmy Carter ruled started gaining 3 hours a day. I keep it just to annoy the wife and remind me how irrelevant the universe is.  The beemer's clock is reading Chinese.  My Apple watch keeps telling me to breath.

• Kitchen clock battery been there too long.
• Jimmy Carter's zooming downhill. Just give it a little more time.
• You spilled some soy sauce in the Beemer last time you went to pick up takeout at the Chinese restaurant.
• And your Apple watch is evil technology from Silicon Valley where repressed flaming queens from the Castro District in SanFran cackle as they yank your strings.

[The Mighty Gryphon]

• Kitchen clock battery been there too long.
• Jimmy Carter's zooming downhill. Just give it a little more time.
• You spilled some soy sauce in the Beemer last time you went to pick up takeout at the Chinese restaurant.
• And your Apple watch is evil technology from Silicon Valley where repressed flaming queens from the Castro District in SanFran cackle as they yank your strings.

I like the way you think.

[Zork]

Strange. That's exactly what that freak Belzeb-something-or-other said as he was offering me a job, just before that damn doctor in the ER yanked me back, some 20 years ago. My wife is still trying to figure out if what left is the same crap that came back. The offer was getting interesting too, kinda when Koko the gorilla grabbed Robin Williams by the nipples and some part of his brain said "Hmm. Might be fun."

[milq]

If you aren't making coffee in an AeroPress...is it really coffee?

[Zork]

If you aren't making coffee in an AeroPress...is it really coffee?

$30 for the american version of a french press?  You are not making real coffee if you are not steeping it through a sock you used last week for a 10k run through an EPA toxic waste supersite and forgot to wash.