Ooooh boy do I have an update! As promised - You told me so.
25 miles. That's all the rear main seal lasted. Probably less, actually, but it was at the 25 mile mark that I noticed the bike was
hemorrhaging oil out of the weep hole at the back of the engine housing. I managed to have a great and much needed ride, but quickly got it home and set about disassembling everything to figure out what went wrong. Well last night I finally got the short-lived RMS out to see what is what. Turns out the inner lip of the seal ended up getting pressed against the housing for the bearings that surround the output shaft. Apparently that is a bad, bad thing because that inner lip ended up something between torn off and melted off. Check out these photos:

See that gray/black film covering the ring between the output shaft and the bearings? That's the inner lip of the RMS... Fortunately it pulled off as one complete piece, but there were parts of it that were dangerously close to getting sucked deeper into the engine.

Here's a look at what's left of the RMS. Note that the warping on the left hand side is from my seal puller, but that inner lip is pretty much chewed apart from the friction off the engine.
For all you rookie wrenchers like me out there, this is what the engine-facing side of an RMS is
supposed to look like:

In a way, the RMS failing so quickly is a stroke of good luck for me, because within this same time I discovered that I also had a very loose grub screw in my transmission, so I had to pull the back half of the bike off again anyway to fix that issue, so the timing let me kill two birds with one stone.
In short - Laitch called it.
PitA as this was, at least I have added new knowledge to the pool.
Learn from my mistakes!