UPDATE: So I sucked out all the old fuel, put in some nice, fresh stuff.
Got a friends who knows what he's doing to come over with some starting Fluid.
Spayed it in, gave it a nice push out of the garage and popped it into 2nd gear and started it on the first try! Ran it for a while, the headlight isn't currently working so couldn't take it for a long ride (And the tires still need to be replaced) but when I shut it down it started again without an issue, several times.
So now on to the electrical. More posts to follow! Thanks for everyone's input.